#4 Reinventing the 1440 minutes that each day offers us

We entered the new year overshadowed by the experience of distant countries where experiences of social confinement were already necessary. Perhaps even in our difficult dreams we did not anticipate then that these days would come for us. Today, the fingers of one hand are still enough to count the weeks in which we live this strange way of life. We do not know, however, if all fingers will be enough for the final count.

All of us in this scenario feel like we have lost something. From the perception of safety to our routines, from our relationships to our financial capacity, from our jobs to our health, from the perception of not being able to take care of our elders or the most vulnerable ... there are countless losses that we face. And, as we know, losses and faults are the great sources of human suffering.

This is not how we were born, this is not how we grew up, this is not how we want to live. Isolated from a world that stimulates us and at the same time restless, isolated from those we want to embrace, we live for the time being confined to 1440 minutes daily between our walls, perhaps extended to the sun from a balcony or to a few brief and contained steps in the streets that surround us.

Each of us who is asked to stay at home experiences that - in a panoply of tones that configure the diversities of human experience and family experiences - we live difficult days. Much more than surviving, it is important that we proactively seek to take care of these 1440 minutes of ours daily, our thoughts and emotions, our health, our projects, our relationships, the stories we want to tell.

Yes, we have time to do that. Let us not aspire to live perfect days. Let's not get angry if we do not do one hour of daily exercise. Let's not be frustrated if we do not visit a sublime museum every day or happily devour the 300 pages of a beautiful book. Not many things we have dreamed of will be possible... But yes, we have time to take care of ourselves. And this time we have requires that we really take care of ourselves. And the others.

Tom Andersen (1936-2007), distinguished Professor of Social Psychiatry at De Tromso University (Norway) wrote that words are not innocent. In the narratives we build - and in these days in particular - the words we choose influence the meanings we arrive at. With this awareness, I share some clues for reflection and action - in an order that could be another - in a small contribution pointing to our construction of significant days:

1. Staying home does not have to be just a constraint. It may be, in freedom, our best choice in the face of the current threat. Moreover, we can choose to live this situation in a conscious and constructive way.
2. The perception of loss, worry, uncertainty, boredom, anxiety, sadness, apathy, irritation, are normative experiences and very adjusted to what we are experiencing. In the face of emotions like these, we accept them as part of the situation while remaining vigilant to our well-being and available to adapt and protect ourselves.
3. In the experience of countless losses, it is okay to miss what we are missing. In fact, it is important to mourn what "is no longer" or "will not be", to turn inward and recalibrate our gaze - "The world has changed and I want to adapt".
4. Let's save a few minutes of our day to do something we really like. And let us save time for small or big activities that we could not do when life asked us for other things.
5. None of us have experienced anything like what we do today, but we have all faced challenging situations. Can we realize what we have done in the past to deal with the losses? How did we overcome them and take care of ourselves and our own? Can we repeat what went well before?
6. If social support is always important, its relevance in times of isolation is underlined. Telephone calls, messages, video calls, parties shared at a distance...moments of real encounter that we can always reinvent...let's be creative and take care of ourselves and the bonds that matter to us.
7. In the real impossibility of controlling the world around us (an impossibility that is always and always will be), we want to live well every moment of the present. Focusing on the here and now, we can choose the attentive dedication to each of our tasks - working, studying, watching a film, cooking, watering the plants, telephoning, playing with the son or brother who asks for our attention.
8. Let us not let our fears and concerns take hold of us. Let us recognise their inevitability and take care to share them, to communicate to others our world, also leaving time and space for others to communicate theirs to us.
9. Once the worst moments of this crisis are over, most of us will be able to move on with our lives and return to a state of perceived normality. Although much will change for everyone after this experience, the experience of grief is also transitory. Some of us will need support in recovery. At that time, too, we will be different from each other. And this difference will always be one of the greatest riches of our humanity.
10. We want to meet those who pass the most painful crossings. In the middle of the dark, we can choose to be the light that appeases some suffering or creates conditions of re-adaptation to new realities.
11. And every day, while there is Life... let us seek to nourish hope and the possibility of a better future. Let us build - for ourselves and for others - scenarios that go beyond the current possibilities and in which we (re)find meaning and purpose.

Honor your own hope | Bring it forth in your life |So when the road is difficult |And the river wide |We recall that life is good and |Know it can be so again. (Jevne, R., 2005)

Susana Ramalho, Assistant Professor, Psychology at FCH and Clinical Psychologist, Collaborator of the Institute of Family Sciences, FCH